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Something Personal, Plus Tribute, and Thanksgiving

Journal Entry: Wed Nov 21, 2012, 9:10 PM
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Sharing Something a Bit Personal

Dearest Friends/Watchers here on dA...

I hope you don't mind if I share something a little bit personal.
I'm not used to sharing things publicly, that are personal, let alone dedicating a whole journal to it.

But... being that we live very far away from any sort of family, and have made so few local friends since moving here,
I feel a therapeutic need to put together a little something here, on dA, where this has been the only online community I have been visiting for almost five years now... it has become a type of family for me...
And I hope it is okay to say so. :heart:

I was away from dA, for a while again recently...

... and I know that some of you already know why, because as I've been trying to come back, I have been answering my notes, and whoever has left me notes during the time I was away, I told of these happenings.

Also, though it was not explained in any sort of detail, as to why I was not here for my commitments at my main group of Unframed-Nature I appreciated the post my Co-Founder made on my behalf.  I was amazed to received so much kindness and support, and I thank the admins., and members of Unframed-Nature alike- they really are so wonderful there. :heart:

First of all,
I became quite ill more than a week ago by now... so much so, that I was bedridden for the long while...
Nothing contagious, but having to do with a few of my ongoing medical problems "rearing their ugly heads" all at the same time.

I do not usually discuss my illnesses or health, publicly, and even now, I am not up for explaining these details.

But, this particular time, it was all made a lot worse, and it has been much more difficult to recover, because of something else that began to happen during the time I was so sick.

My beloved Beagle, Malori, took a really terrible and strange turn for the worse. :hmm:

It started very suddenly last Thursday.

I heard her in the living room, making all kinds of noise, and I found her stuck behind some shelves and tangled in some cords. After I freed her, she ran across the room and got trapped behind the T.V. in those cords, and then got stuck between the refrigerator and the wall, and so on and so forth.  But I could not keep up with this sudden and erratic energy with potential of great harm!  Normally, she likes to rest and eat treats, etc.  This was so bizarre!

We took her to the vet immediately, and though they were not for sure what was wrong with her, they thought maybe she had a stroke.  They gave us special food, and some sedative medications, and said to wait until Monday...

Instead of improving, she got MUCH worse and fast. She could NOT be sedated by ANY amount of sedative medication!  We called a vet on the weekend, who told us to also give her adult Benadryl, but still she could not rest or sleep!  
And she had become frantic and very upset... she started crying and crying...

Her arthritic body was being forced to move, by whatever was happening in her brain, and her body was just in such pain.

It was a most terrible weekend... :(

As soon as we could, we took her back to the vet on Monday...
and after updating the vet, and  from their observation, they thought more that she had a brain tumor pressing on the "Activity Center" in her brain, compelling her body to physically and continuously move.  

They said there was not much else to do, and sadly we did have to put her to sleep...
But we were with her there, holding her until she passed, finally at peace.

I feel very badly that she suffered so much in her last few days, but... it is good that she is no longer living with this terrible misery.

I am of course very happy that she could live MORE than 16 years! That is amazing, I know this, and I have soooo many memories with her, and of my life with her in it! :aww:

However, as a result, she was in my life and by my side for so long, that I can barely remember life before her...

So of course, it is a very sad time, and we are greatly missing her.

For some therapeutic value, I post the following tribute, which includes every photo I have ever shared of her here on dA:

Tribute for Malori Joy

Sweet Sixteen by TeaPhotography
This collage image of Malori, was the most recent upload that I just shared here on dA!
She had made it to 16 years, on Oct. 11th, and we had quite the party for her, and I'm
so thankful we did. :heart:

:rose: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :rose:

Fifteen Years of Santa's Little Helper by TeaPhotography
Malori's Christmas 2011 portrait!  
Malori was always an easy going type of dog... she went with the flow!
She was happy to help raise money for the humane society, so other doggies,
[and cats!] could also have loving homes. :heart:

:rose: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :rose:

Fifteen by TeaPhotography
Her 15th b-day portrait...
she wasn't feeling too well around this time, and had something wrong with her eye.
But here she was making a bed out of the sand, at the beach!
She actually got much better in a lot of ways since that time. :heart:

:rose: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :rose:

Yay, The Beagle Made It by TeaPhotography
Her 14th b-day portrait. This was just after the Summer she was diagnosed with
Congestive Heart Failure, but with the proper care and medications,
she continued to thrive for more than two more years!

:rose: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :rose:

Malori at Harris Beach by TeaPhotography
Malori, with her human daddy, on a trip to check out the new area, that we did end up moving to!
She was just turned 14 here. :heart:
She adored taking walks, and exploring her own yard, and new places, like a seaweed smelling beach! :heart:

:rose: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :rose:

Cut from Different Cloths... by TeaPhotography
Malori is just over 13 years old here,
always so gracious and tolerant each time we got a new cat...
even allowing Tsuki, as a kitten, to snuggle with her!
Amazing! :heart:

:rose: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :rose:

From One to Another... by TeaPhotography
She's just over 13 here, and doing one of her favourite things:
Relaxing! :heart:

:rose: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :rose:

I Love My Sister by TeaPhotography
Malori with her favourite living being in the whole wide world: her "sister" Canela,
which was taken just a couple days before Canela herself, had passsed... :heart:
Not long after, Malori began to seek more attention from humans.

:rose: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :rose:

Beagle's Eagle Eye by TeaPhotography
Malori is 12 and a half here...
She used to dig into any and all types of blankets and pillows and make "cave-like" beds!

:rose: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :rose:

Learned to live together by TeaPhotographyThe tolerant Beagle by TeaPhotography
Malori is about 12 and a half, and hanging out with Sha-Sha, being a good sport about having
cats in the house! :heart:

:rose: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :rose:

Friends give friends a leg up by TeaPhotography
Here, Malori is 11 and a half,
and as usual the "dynamic duo" is doing something silly! :heart:

:rose: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :rose:

becoming friends by TeaPhotography
Malori at 11 and a half, learning how to be friends with cats,
Sha-Sha in particular... who is about full grown here. :heart:

:rose: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :rose:

Beagle drinks from a cup by TeaPhotography
Malori, 11 and a half, drinking from a cup, at the park, on a picnic. :heart:

:rose: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :rose:

Beagle and Human Mama by TeaPhotography
Malori, 11 and a half, with me at the park on a picnic. :heart:

:rose: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :rose:

I actually have a TON more photos of Malori...
but with the other pets, I've had to balance out who gets shared online and when, otherwise, the bombardment of pet photos would be astounding!

I wish I could share with you photos from when she was a puppy!
But from age 11 and earlier, ALL such photos are on film, and I don't have a scanner, nor do I want to pull apart actual photo albums, or photo frames, to take a photo of a photo...

But she was the runt of her litter, very tiny and very much BLACK all over, especially her head and her ears!
She was absolutely adorable and loved so much to play with her older "sister" Canela. :heart:

There are so many funny memories of Malori... plus, she got into so much over the years, we used to call her "the DOG with nine lives".  But she was a survivor, and her pure stubbornness of strength and sheer will certainly helped keep her going for very long.

Of course I am grateful to have had this wonderful dog in my life for so long, but with so much shared history, it is hard to imagine life without her.

I realize that to some people, pets are "just animals", but to me they have always been SO MUCH more than that- rather they are integral parts of the family.  They are always there when you come home, and they are loyal, and they love you no matter what kind of day you've had and how you may have behaved.  Simply, these are just my opinions, and how I feel. :heart:

Thanksgiving Thoughts

This is the week that the USA observes their Thanksgiving, and I know there are some other countries, who observe a similar holiday, but at a different time of the year.

For me, my favourite thing about the holiday, is taking and making the time to really stop and think about what we are thankful for.

Sometimes, this is a lot harder when we are going through our own difficulties, and when there is so much other strife and struggle in the world...

But it also a good idea to balance this out, by remembering to focus on what IS good and what IS beautiful... because there is also this!

I know I have much to be thankful for, and though I try to make it a practice to pause periodically and at least make such a mental list, I would like to be especially mindful of my list this week. :heart:

One thing I would like to share, is my thanks and gratitude for the kind of support and strength from the friendships I've made here on dA, and the kindness from those I have had the pleasure to meet here, too.

This is the "giving" part of Thanksgiving, in my opinion, and I am very much grateful for the "giving" qualities that people do possess. :heart:

Whether you observe this US Thanksgiving, or a type of Thanksgiving holiday of your own at some other time of the year,
I wish you ALL a most pleasant time of giving thanks for whatever you find in your life that is good.

And thank you for allowing me to share this personal journal... :rose: :heart:

:note: I realize that in many cases, people might not to how to respond to something like this.
If you should read any of this, and not know what to say in a comment, please don't feel bad about that.
You do NOT need to comment at all!

To be able to have a SPACE where I can create this personal journal, is therapy in itself, and I am thankful for THAT!

:note: I hope to get back to my regular types of journal postings near the beginning of December!

December is so soon already!

:heart: :iconchristmastreeplz: :heart:

Design and CSS by sukoto-san
Photograph by Tea Photography
Add a Comment:
SeaSpryte Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
:heart: Oh Tea. I just saw this. I'm so sorry to hear about your poor Malori. Hugs. :heart:
chryssalis Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012
:(You had told me about this..I can imagine what you went through,i had watched one of my kittens to suffer like this..i don't even want to talk about it..
At least she lived her full years and very happily too,with you who loved her so much..
It is so hard to loose a pet so beloved..She was a part of the family..No wonder why your health got worse...
I hope you're fine now,my sweet..Take care,i love you so much..
poserfan Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Professional
Just read this journal - I'm sorry for your loss! :hug: Though I'm not a dog owner I know how you feel as I lost several of my cats over the years. It always hurts and it gets harder everytime, especially if such things happens totally unexpected and out of the blue. I had to made that experience too with my cat Charly. And these are the only personal journals of mine too. Usually when I write something personal in a journal I'll later edit it and delete that part, but the journals about my cats will stay.
surrealistic-gloom Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012
I am really sorry for the loss of your beloved Malori, it is so sad, it is breaking my heart! :iconsadhugplz:

At least, she has had a happy life and has received so much love!
But this is not diminishing your pain for now, I know! :iconskizzplz:
JamminJo Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Oh dear Tea :heart:

I'm so sorry for my late reply and for the passing of Malori :heart:

May Malori's memories forever live in your heart and soul my dear friend.

I hope that your headaches are have stopped :cuddle:

Love and Friendship to you Always :heart:

TheDarkenedBride Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm truly sorry for your loss :hug: to me pets are friends; animals have soul and most of all a loving heart, they are loyal and selfless unlike many people :iconbeautifulheartplz: may M A L O R I rest in peace
Zwoing Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012
It's been a so long time we haven't spoken together, but I remember you as one of the nicest person, Tea. I send you a lot of love :heart: xoxo
TeaPhotography Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Professional General Artist
Isabelle! :wave:
I have missed you, too... :huggle:
It is lovely to see you, and I feel that you were always one of the sweetest people I'd ever met here... not to mention your talent! :nod:

Thank you for your supportive comment, too.
Much love to you, as well!
awesome43 Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012
Sweet dreams Malori you were loved during your joyful life and now remembered through eternity. So sorry for your loss TEA your memories will always be with you. I do hope your health is improving I know this had to be very hard on you on top of everything else.
TeaPhotography Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Professional General Artist
Aw, my gosh, thank you for your very beautiful as well as your comforting words, during what's been a difficult time...
Yes, we have so many memories with her, this is true. :aww:
Recently, I am finally improving from the worst of that last bout of illness, and I should be okay again for a while, thank you so much for your kindness.
awesome43 Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012
You are welcome TEA. I wish you better health from now on. Much happiness as well.
TeaPhotography Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Professional General Artist
You kindness moves me very much...
I wish you very much the best in everything.
awesome43 Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012
Thank you my friend. :hug: :rose: :sun:
meljoy68 Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Aww, honey. I wish I could hug you. It's been an age since I tuned in here, I'm so sorry to hear you'd been ill and bed ridden. And to have this tragedy compiling it... my heart hurts for you, sweet Tea. I wish you peace, friend.
TeaPhotography Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Professional General Artist
Aw, Melanie!
It is so lovely to hear from you... it always is, and I'm so happy when you do come to dA and contact me...
The worst of my physical bout is over with this time, so that part is good, but I really am having ups and DOWN days about Malori...
of course it's only been a week and a half, so yeah... I'm sure I'll feel this way for quite a while, but I noticed that just a couple days ago, on Wednesday was my worst day emotionally, oh my gosh... :no:

And then we did get her ashes back today... I've tried not to visit them too much yet... I see them where we've placed them across the room, but I'm not really ready to interact with that at the moment... I am trying to focus, for now on quite a few other things... but I will, because there's still a lot of feelings to work through.

Thank you for understand... and for your sweet wishes and kindness. :heart:

Gosh, I can only hope you've been doing okay... you always hold a special place in my heart. :aww: :huggle:
Enalla Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I'm so sorry for your loss Tea. :petting:
Sounds like she was a wonderful companion and what a lovely tribute. :heart:

I wish you strength in this hard time, and hoping your health will get better too. :huggle:
TeaPhotography Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Professional General Artist
Aww, I appreciate your kindness...
You are always so sweet. :huggle:

She was very much a wonderful companion, you are right! :aww:
Thank you about the tribute and for your encouraging words, too.
KittenKagome Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
God bless you during your time of loss. I still miss my puppy. He was 14 years old when he got cancer and he had to be put down. Despite that being years ago I still miss him terribly. Even at the very end, even while he was in pain, he still had the strength to love. I know you do as well, and I hope you get it back tenfold.
TeaPhotography Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Professional General Artist
Thank you for your very kind words, it is so nice of you. :aww:

Our previous dog was 14.5 when we had to put her to sleep a couple years ago due to kidney failure... it was so terribly sad, and we were still missing her, too...

... and of course you still miss yours, as well.

I think that we always do miss them, it's just that time changes it a little bit, after some years pass.

Thank you for your words of encouragement. :rose:
KittenKagome Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
no problem
Corvidae65 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
I'm really really sorry about Malori, Tea. :( Words can't make Malori come back. She is happier now--vibrant and healthy and pefect and waiting for you. You were so good for he and she was so good for you. All I can really do for you is this :tighthug:
TeaPhotography Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Professional General Artist
Thank you for your sweet kindness, John... I truly appreciate it very much...
no words won't make her come back, and really she is the one that is now better off in a place without the pain and suffering she had here at the very end.

I guess it's just us, left behind missing them, that makes it really difficult.. .
Thank you for the kindness and the hugs! It all means a lot. :cuddle:
JimmyMcCullough Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional General Artist
Aw, poor little Mallory. I had to put Dr. Loo to sleep last month. It was the first time I have ever had to do that.
I'm thinking of you!
JimmyMcCullough Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional General Artist
Sorry, I spelled her name wrong...
TeaPhotography Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Professional General Artist
No worries, a lot of people actually misspell it. ;)
Great to hear from you and I really appreciate your words here...

It was our second time to go through it, because Canela was the first time a couple years ago...

It was so sad then, and it was very sad with Malori, too, though I think Malori's last few days were rather awful with her mysterious bizarre and erratic behaviour, which was causing her great pain. :hmm:

It is never ever easy Jimmy... and I am so sorry to hear about Dr. Loo... :(

Loved that kitty. :aww:

I am sure it will be so similar when any of my cats also have to go...
but I sure do not want to think about it... I have great connections with each of them as well..

*sigh* But it's life,
and I do thank you for the thoughts.
Cazamelia Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm sorry about Malori :( :huggle: They are all special and unique in their own way, and their pawprints remain on our hearts forever.

Hope you feel better soon too :tighthug:
TeaPhotography Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional General Artist
Hey there Caz, yes... they are each so very special and unique, aren't they... :aww:
thank you for your wonderfully supportive words and for being such a good friend to me here on dA... I think the worst of my physical illness is past for now, and it's just taking me slower because of the emotional issues surrounding Malori. Thank you for your understanding.
:cuddle: :heart:
Samcatt Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012   General Artist
All I can say is I have tears in my eyes. My heart aches. But it is good to cry and mourn the loss. Our beloved companions will live in our hearts forever. x
TeaPhotography Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional General Artist
Thank you so much Sam, I really do appreciate it, as I've appreciated everything... yes our beloved companions do and will live in our hearts forever. :hug:
Samcatt Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012   General Artist
Anj3lla Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012   General Artist
So deeply sorry for your loss Tea. :( Thank you for sharing a bit of Malori with all of us. Hope you feel better soon!!! Many positive thoughts and well wishes being sent your way. :tighthug:

:heart: Love and Light :heart:
TeaPhotography Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Professional General Artist
Thank you so much for allowing me to share her with you, it really did mean a lot and it was good for me to put this little tribute together.. it's nice to have a place where it is comfortable enough to do it.

Thank you for your kind and so supportive words, means more than you know! :heart:
Anj3lla Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012   General Artist
You're welcome Tea :tighthug:
Elwing-Isiliel Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I'm so sorry to read about Malori :( All my thoughts are with you my dear Tea. :hug:
TeaPhotography Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Professional General Artist
It is a difficult thing, that's true... :hmm: and I appreciate your thoughts very much!
Thank you kindly. :cuddle:
Sublime-Feline Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Aww my dearest Tea! I'm so sorry for your loss! Thankfully you've been able to share a wonderful life with your beloved doggy! You're in my prayers sweety!
TeaPhotography Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Professional General Artist
Thank you kindly for your lovely and supportive words... it is good that she shared her long and wonderful life with us that is true. :aww:

I really appreciate your kindness, my dear friend. :heart:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so sorry to hear about your dog! That is a horrible thing to have to go through, especially so close to a holiday, and with your health issues. I sincerely hope that you can start feeling better soon. I'll send lots of good mojo your way. :huggle:
TeaPhotography Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Professional General Artist
Thank you for your wonderful words of support.
No, not the easiest time, all together, that's for sure... but I appreciate the strengthening mojo, and all of your good wishes, thanks so much! :huggle:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome :D :huggle:
Ingelore Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012
Dear Tea, I'm so sorry for your loss! :blackrose:
Of course a pet isn't just a pet, but a family member, especially if you're living together for so many years! I can imagine how hard it must be to recover from an illness in such a situation. I know that words won't help much but maybe you can take a little comfort in all these empathising comments of your "DA family". :hug:
My best wishes to you!
TeaPhotography Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Professional General Artist
Words that are heart felt, certainly do help more than you think, so I do thank you very much for your own genuine words of comfort and kindness. :aww:

Yes, it's been a challenging time all together, but the deepest parts of this are and will pass.
Thank you for your own strengthening words, ... it is nice and helpful to have such comments from the very good people of my "dA family" :nod:

I appreciate your wishes, thank you. :heart:
Ingelore Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
You're very welcome! :tighthug:
Yanagi-no-Yume Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012
:iconsadhugplz: I'm so sorry for your loss :( And I know words alone probably won't help that much, but at least there's the knowledge that she had a long life and was greatly loved throughout all of it... Maybe it helps a bit :huggle:
TeaPhotography Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Professional General Artist
Aw, I certainly do thank you.. words that are obviously heart-felt, do help to bring some comfort, so I really do thank you for such wonderful genuine effort.
You are very kind. :huggle:
Indeed it is good she lived so long, and with a lot of love!
It does help, thank you. :heart:
Deb-e-ann Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012
Oh Tea I know what you must be going through. I had to give up work due to my illnesses and a few weeks later we had to have our ginger cat Troy put down as he had a liver tumour.
I've had a total of 6 cats and only one remains now. When she goes it will be the end of an era and a big big part of my life.
My heart goes out to you as our pets become our silent best friends. We confide in them. Take comfort from them and when we are unwell they seem to know and comfort us.
The dog I had, had a total of 3 strokes and survived them all but her behaviour wasn't anything like Malori's so I think the vet may have been right in saying it was a tumour.
DA is our family and we turn to our family in times of grief so it's only natural you would share this with us in your journal.
It will take time for your grief to ease and I hope whatever illness you have that you can get better from that soon.
Sending you much love and if I could come and put my arms round you and give you a real hug I would :hug:
Deb xxx
TeaPhotography Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Professional General Artist
Hi Deb...
Aw, I sure do appreciate you sharing all of this with me... :huggle:

With now, both of my dogs from my adulthood, it is exactly like that- "an end of an era" and it does feel very strange.

It took me well into my adulthood to discover what a natural cat-person that I am...

and now with eight cats, I have yet to experience one of my cats going... but it is always inevitable... and

yes they are very much so our silent best friends... they are always there, and they always seek to comfort, and they love you unconditionally.

Yes, at first they thought maybe a stroke, but decided in the end, much more likely the tumour in her brain... it was a really rough last few days, and an especially difficult way to go, but now she is at peace.

Thank you ALL of your kind words, they mean more than I can express...
and I appreciate the thought of a hug from you... I will take one virtually, and feel it genuinely from you heart.

Thank you. :heart:
Deb-e-ann Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
You're more than welcome Tea :hug:
philippeL Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is so terrible... :( That must have been painful and excruciating. I am so sorry for your loss, Tea. All my thoughts are for you :rose:
TeaPhotography Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Professional General Artist
It really was quite terrible in her last few days, because of what was wrong, she was suffering so greatly, and was very frustrated by her own pain. :hmm:

There was nothing we could do but through our love, let her go, so she could have peace.
Thank you for your words and your thoughts, I appreciate your kind support.
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